The Years' I Don't Remember Pt.5

Content Warning: This article mentions topics such as sexual assault, anxiety, depression, and death. "If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255)."

I asked Kyle a few months ago about what happened that night. Our conversation goes exactly as follows... 

Kyle: I feel like if we ever did anything sexual, you would become all weird
Me: Do you remember you fingering me after tour de frenzia...
Kyle: Oh shit. I do. Well good point. But we were intoxicated. I meant sober
You were like moaning and like grinding on my dick. 😂😂
You remember that 
Me: No I wasn't 
I was black out I told you no
Don't you remember 
Kyle: What?!
No I don't.
Shit my bad!
Me: I was grinding on your dick?
Kyle: Why didn't you tell me?
And yea. It was a blur. I doubt I was dreaming but if I was then I guess so. 
I feel so bad! You said no. 
Me: I don't remember 
Kyle: Oh God 
Me: Yea I know I said no. 
Kyle: I'm sorry. 
Why didn't you tell me 
Me: All I remember is you trying to finger me and I said no stop and then I passed out
Kyle: I was bugging out when we were sober
Me: Huh
Kyle: I'm saying when we were sober. Why didn't you tell me I was bugging out
I feel bad now. 
Oh God
Me: Cause I didn't know 
Kyle: I think I stopped 
Didn't I 
Me: I didn't want it to be awkward I didn't know how to bring it up 
I don't know I passed out 
Kyle: I'm pretty sure I did. Well I hope so. We didn't do anything else. So I'm assuming so
I feel bad. Jesus 
Me: I don't remember 
All I remember is you fingering me and me saying no
Kyle: Neither do I. I remember the fingering part but when we woke up. My hands were not near you. So I think I stopped. I'm not sure 
Well why did you bring that up? 
Me: I am not sure 
Cause I had to know
Kyle: Yeah so are we still cool 
Me: Yea 
Kyle: Kinda awkward now. Haha but see what alcohol does 
Me: Yea we were both drunk
Kyle: But like I said. If we did anything sexual I feel like you would be weird about. SOBER 
It*